i am going a little bit crazy. but i have a new planner, so it should be alright. everything.
i have to work off a lot of debt for my mom, but i hate being around her recently, because all she does is tell me how im ruining things.
i have to read two books for school, they're both fat.
i haven't seen/talked to my CAPA friends in a good few weeks. i don't know what they think of me, now. i went missing without telling them, i don't have a phone, i don't have any way other than the internet to find these people, but i could if i made an effort, but i don't know if i want to make an effort. im pretty sure we're only friends because we get high or drunk together. im afraid that's all we have in common. i was thinking about having a potluck before school starts and inviting lots of people to come eat together and dance and be jolly. and then i realized that most of my friends wouldn't come because it would be a sober party. do we enjoy each other sober?
i just want to do things my own way and make plans to do things that i want to do and make art and be around art and feel free.
this all makes me feel very alone.
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I had a finger-painting party once.
was there fooood?
I think we ordered pizza. There might have been a fruit tray. Definitely lots of snacks. Mostly we threw paint at each other.
It was surprisingly sober, which is why I brought it up.
it sounds good.
(milligan - is this wrist tree real?)
i remember rachel telling me that she throws great parties for people who dont like to party and then she brought up the finger painting party and i was delighted.
i like you, i am a capa friend, and i am always sober.
it makes me upset that you feel the way you do, because you have no idea how free you are compared to me, and how much beauty surrounds you and i would trade places for a day or a few.
i would come to your potluck.
ok, now the fun part.
who am i? yeeee!
im going to take a stab in the dark and say colleen.
(if im right, that was too obvious.)
psh.giiirrrl.
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